I have a strange relationship with the adult industry's Oscars equivalent, the AVN Awards -- strange beyond the fact that I have any relationship with them. Once upon a time (specifically January 2009), I was working for a website and invaded the AVN's expo in Las Vegas in advance of their awards. There's videoproof of me interviewing dozens of porn stars and everything. So when I saw some tweet about how the nominations for the 2015 AVN Awards had been announced, I just had to check it out and see how the industry is doing.
As I scrolled through, I saw a few excellent titles of porn movies parodying real movies. I dug deeper and found some more -- and soon enough, I had 11 that were worthy of a list.
So here are the 11 best porn parody titles of 2014. I can't speak to the quality of any of these films themselves, but if you're just going off the titles, a few are legitimately next-level genius.
The Whore of Wall Street - I'm not in love with this one -- it's a bit too easy -- but since The Wolf of Wall Street was like four script changes away from potentially being a porno itself, maybe they didn't have to tweak too much. I can't believe they didn't change "Wall" to "Ball." It was right there for the taking.
T.S., I Love You - I'm not sure how you take an ultra-depressing Hilary Swank movie and turn it into an award-nominated transsexual porn film, but someone managed to do it. This gets points for only having to change one letter in the title.
The Doctor Whore Porn Parody - I like turning "Who" into "Whore" more than I liked turning "Wolf" into "Whore," so this one gets a higher ranking. And since porn is famous for churning out tons and tons of movies in a series, they should feel right at home playing off Doctor Who.
Guardians of the Gagacy - This is a little too vulgar for me, but I do appreciate that the Guardians of the Galaxy parody appears not to have anyone in a raccoon suit having sex with someone dressed as a tree.
Trans Formers - This is our second transsexual porn title, and the only title on the list that managed to be a parody by just adding a single space. That's talent. Also, sight unseen, I'd say this is probably a better film than at least two, maybe three of the other Transformers movies.
This one required a lot of editing.
The Little Spermaid - I'm not sure how it took this long for someone to think of this parody title. Seems like this should've gone into production the day after The Little Mermaid hit theaters in 1989. Could the plot be Ursula taking the Mermaid's libido? And are crabs still prominently featured?
Dawn of the Planet of the Gapes - Love this title, it's so forced but in such a knowing way. And it's very true to the release pattern of the Planet of the Apes series. Turns out Rise of the Planet of the Gapes was released in 2011 and Planet of the Gapes in 1998.
Game of Bones: Winter Is Cumming - This has everything I look for in a porn parody title. Rhyming, twists on multiple words, sophomoric humor. This is one you gleefully share with friends and one girl says, "Wait, I don't get it," and then everyone laughs and then you move on forever.
One Flew Over the Cuckold's Nest - So good. So, so good. This is one of those "how did no one ever think of that before?" titles, especially since we've had damn near 40 years. The title didn't even need to be a porno. It could've just as easily been an episode of The Good Wife or something.
Down on Abby: Tales From Bottomley Manor - This one is so great that various cast members of Downton Abbey have acknowledged it. It's also the only one with a cover I could actually put on this website unedited. Not sure why they dropped the "e" from "Abby" though -- seems like a typo.
12 Inches a Slave - It's the mix of irreverent, offensive and creative that the porn industry is so incredibly good at. I mean, come on.
This post was originally published on Wednesday, December 3, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex.