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written by Sam Greenspan

A traditional Japanese Pagoda built in front of a calm lake surrounded by trees.

Brilliant, import-worthy sex and love idioms from Italian, Dutch, Japanese and more.

Earlier this year, I bought a book called The Meaning of Tingo which discusses strange and extraordinary words and phrases from around the world. I remember thinking it could make for some interesting lists back when I bought it. Anyway, stuff came up (I guess) and I never actually opened it.

Today I was working at my desk and spilled a little bit of water near my computer. I panicked and lunged at the glass to pick it up. In the process, I shook my desk, which shook the shelf of books that sit on the top of my desk hutch. And what book should fall right in front of my keyboard?

An old book about how to make it in stand-up comedy. Ahh, but when I wiped up the water and then went to put the stand-up book away, The Meaning of Tingo was right next to it. I plucked it off the shelf, flipped through a few pages, and immediately realized it really was going to provide good material for this website. Which brings us to today’s list.

Sex and love idioms from foreign languages

Because love and sex are universal experiences, I list together 11 sex and love idioms that showcase the beauty and diversity of human expression. Who knows, maybe it’ll come in handy at some point.

Come to think of it, rather than tell that rambling anecdote, I probably just could’ve said, “These are funny idioms from other languages about dating and sex. Enjoy.”

Oh well. I am who I am.

1 | Cavoli riscaldati

Italian for attempting to restart a previously failed relationship (literal: reheated cabbage)

I think “reheated cabbage” perfectly sums up getting back together with someone. The cabbage tastes much worse than it did when it was fresh cabbage… and as soon as you take one bite that’s a little bit sour, suddenly you remember exactly why you stopped eating that cabbage in the first place.

A burnt, reheated cabbage.

2 | Queesting

Dutch for allowing a lover to come under the covers for intimate conversation

It’s strange — I’m much more familiar with another, more popular practice that has to do with the Dutch and having your significant other under the covers.

3 | aki ga tatsu

Japanese for falling out of love (literal: the autumn breeze begins to blow)

There’s something so formally poetic about Japanese. These kinds of phrases put all of their awkward translations into much better context. (I once did a list on the 11 Worst Japanese-To-English Translations In Nintendo History. Knowing that they describe falling out of love as “the autumn breeze begins to blow” adds a bit more context to “This story is happy end” and “A winner is you.”)

4 | Bakku-shan

Japanese for a woman who appears attractive from behind but not the front (literal: beautiful back)

This term is heavily featured in the music of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s non-union Japanese equivalent, Emperor Mix-Good-Yes.

And after the pandemic, perhaps there should be a term, possibly a Japanese term, for a woman who is attractive while wearing a mask but not without one.

A woman on the beach wearing a bikini seen from behind.

5 | avoir la moule qui baille

French for to be horny (literal: to have a yawning mussel)

Mussels in some languages is a term for vagina or points to sexual reference. A “yawning mussel” just upped the ante. Is it ready for sex, inviting to oral sex, or is it bored and wanting something exciting?

I mean, that’s just incredible crude. Although, “yawning mussel” is much more descriptive than “whispering eye” or “clown pocket.”

6 | batuta ni Drakula

Tagalog for a powerful penis (literal: Dracula’s nightstick)

I never really thought of Dracula as being a sexual icon (nor as a nightwatchman?) but I guess 25 million Filipinos can’t be wrong. Probably because these “night sticks” mostly rampages at night, just like Dracula.

On the evil creature sexual rankings, I’d think that Dracula finishes somewhere in the third quartile, way behind Frankenstein and the Yeti, far ahead of the Mummy, and probably around the same as the Loch Ness Monster.

7 | commencer a rendre la monnaie

French for an older prostitute (literal: when she started, she didn’t have to make change for the money she received)

According to the movie Orgazmo — which is a documentary and totally factually accurate, of course — as porn stars become older, in order to make the same money they used to, they have to start doing weirder and weirder stuff. Which is why you rarely see any fresh-off-the-corn-field 18-year-old porn starlets debuting in octopus-oriented films.

8 | dejar con el paquete

Spanish for abandoning a woman you’ve knocked up (literal: to drop with the parcel)

Yep, this feels right there in line with the Spanish stereotypes. The only better way to cap it off would be a phrase describing that abandoned woman taking a swing at the guy… missing… but still having him flop to the ground and roll around like he’d been shot.

A man handing out a box of parcel to a woman.

9 | voir les anges

French for orgasm (literal: to see angels)

I love French words. They have ways of describing things idiomatically, especially when it comes to sex and love idioms.

Is it really possible to see angels with one eye half-closed and the other one slightly crossed? Or maybe that’s the secret way to see angels. Kind of the spiritu-sexual equivalent of finding Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters.

10 | senzuri

Japanese for male masturbation (literal: a thousand rubs)

In Japan, senzuri is considered an act of self-love that can help individuals connect with their own bodies and desires. It’s a way of exploring oneself and finding pleasure in the simplicity of touch. And let’s be honest, there’s something inherently romantic about taking the time to pleasure oneself.

This just shows how the Japanese language has transformed the highly vulgar term “jacking off” into something more innocent with the term “Senzuri”

11 | shiko shiko manzuri

Japanese for female masturbation (literal: ten thousand rubs)

And just like that, the Japanese have summed up human sexuality.


Oh, and by the way, here’s the book, The Meaning of Tingo, if you’re interested in more love and sex idioms.