Email list
11 Points
11 Points Guide To Hooking Up
11 Photos That Prove Christmas and Sex Don't Mix
written by Sam Greenspan

Is Christmas the sexiest holiday of the year? Absolutely not. But there seems to be an inclination to make Christmas all things to all people, and since "sexiest holiday" falls under the umbrella of "all things," sometimes that classification is bandied about. Even if, at its original core, Christmas celebrates the birth of the one human born through a method other than sex. (Or, I guess, in vitro.)

I collected these 11 pieces of visual proof that Christmas and sex are an awkward mix. Let's see how long I can go without making a super lazy ho, ho, ho pun.
  1. Peace and Goodwill.



    Apparently in this Christmas comic, "peace and goodwill to all men" is interpreted as "Mrs. Claus has a multi-racial threesome with guys with weird nipples." What a ho, ho, ho. DAMMIT.

  2. Christmas Crackers.



    I'm sure the book is a brutal read, but what *really* makes it unsexy? The egregious swing-and-a-miss on the "putting the sex in Xmas" tagline.

    (Any good Simpsons fan will immediately think of "You can't spell 'party' without 'Artie'! If you misspell 'party'... or 'Artie.'" Any bad Simpsons fan will go on a half-hearted rant about how the show hasn't been good since Conan O'Brien left, then turn on an episode of American Dad.)

  3. Santa's relief.



    Sure, on the surface Santa peeing isn't really sexual... but what if I told you this house was in Germany?

  4. The "Ugly Sweater Party" winner.



    This Christmas sweater is amazing, but it's hipster amazing. It's not going to work for the family's trip to Sears Portrait Studio (or the Try-N-Save) to take festive photos.

  5. The X-Mas Tuggie.



    I am most bothered by the fact that the Tuggie looks Photoshopped on... and poorly at that. It's all polygonal, like this guy's penis was being rendered on a Nintendo 64. I suspect the real product doesn't look anything like that. Also, on a more macro level, I am disappointed this product even exists.

  6. Topless Santa photobomb.



    I know it's counterintuitive to what the Liberal Media and its pro-body dysmorphia agenda tells us, but this photo proves that our current chubby Santa actually IS less jarring than a super skinny Santa.

  7. Sexy (?) reindeer.



    There are a surprising number of "sexy" Christmas costumes, and this one flops the worst. It's supposed to be a sexy reindeer. Instead it looks like the Bride of the Minotaur.

  8. Merry Christmas from the Jersey Shore.



    Yes, of course, these Jersey Shore ornaments are supposed to be sexy and are not. You know what else isn't sexy about them? The people selling them somehow completely missed the obvious name for them: Jersey Shornaments. How do you not see that? Didn't anyone say the name of the product out loud? The least sexy thing you can do is deprive the world of phenomenal new portmanteaux.

  9. Photos with Santa.



    Let's all just assume Santa is in the same genus as a Ken doll. It gives this picture much less traumatic implications.

  10. Christmas butt cake.



    What if this isn't just a traditional mangled English translation or a near miss on "bundt" and, instead, Santa's actually buried in the cake bottomless. That would be excellent.

  11. Take it home, Yahoo Answers.



    Yahoo Answers: Asking the questions you never knew you should be asking since 2005.

This list was originally published on Tuesday, December 18, 2012 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex.
It currently has View Comments.

Facebookery?
11 Geniusly Ghetto Christmas Decorations

11 Christmas Songs With Surprisingly Dark Lyrics

11 Simpsons Christmas Episodes, Ranked From Worst to Best

11 Crazy Old Valentine's Day Cards That Would Never Exist Today

11 Eye-Opening Statistics About Strippers

Archive of all Dating & Sex lists

Cakes With Strange and Mysterious Apologies
11 Cakes With Strange and Mysterious Apologies
Published Friday, October 24, 2014 at 01:00:00 AM under the category Food & Drink
Things You Hate Waiting For - 11 Points Countdown
11 Things You Hate Waiting For - 11 Points Countdown
Published Tuesday, October 21, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Countdown
Most Popular Foods in America
11 Most Popular Foods in America
Published Thursday, October 16, 2014 at 05:00:00 AM under the category Food & Drink
Worst Things About Starbucks - 11 Points Countdown
11 Worst Things About Starbucks - 11 Points Countdown
Published Monday, October 13, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Countdown
Worst Movie Posters of the 2000s
11 Worst Movie Posters of the 2000s
Published Thursday, October 9, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Movies
Athletes Standing Side-by-Side to Create Funny Jersey Juxtapositions
11 Athletes Standing Side-by-Side to Create Funny Jersey Juxtapositions
Published Friday, October 3, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Sports
Full Archive



Follow
Mailing list
Twitter
Facebook
YouTube
Pinterest
Instagram
RSS

Categories
Food & Drink lists
Countdown lists
Movies lists
Sports lists
Music lists
Web & Tech lists
Misc lists
Travel lists
TV lists
Personal lists
Dating & Sex lists
Books lists
Games lists
News & Politics lists
Interviews lists
Full archive

Follow
11 Points

Mailing list


Twitter


Facebook


YouTube


Pinterest


RSS