11 Points

A Line-by-Line Breakdown of a Craigslist Missed Connections Instant Classic
written by Sam Greenspan

Yesterday I responded to a Missed Connections post on Craigslist for the first time in my life.



It's hard to tell what's real on the Internet and what's just an exercise in creative writing. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at telling which is which, using my two operating assumptions consistent with truth. (1) It's too unbelievable to dream up. (2) It's not a clear setup for a viral website/blog/social media account or book deal.

This post on Craigslist meets the "real" criteria under both rules. It also happens to be pure poetry.

This was posted in the Missed Connections section of Craigslist in Athens, Georgia, about a week-and-a-half ago.
You threw up in my vagina - w4m - 26 (Outside Arby's)

we met and hooked up after the bluegrass show at the house where the black gay guy lives with 3 white guys. you threw up in my vagina. I'm trying to find you for weeks. My sister wants to talk to you.



And now, the line-by-line breakdown.

You threw up in my vagina - w4m - 26 (Outside Arby's)

Lots of good detail, just in case there's another guy in Georgia who threw up in someone's vagina but it was behind a Church's Chicken.

we met and hooked up after the bluegrass show at the house where the black gay guy lives with 3 white guys. Unanswered questions abound. The bluegrass show wasn't in a bar or a concert venue, but at a house? And not just any house, a house that's identifiable only by being the spot where "the black gay guy lives with 3 white guys"? Also, is it "the black gay guy" because he's the only one in town?

you threw up in my vagina.

Suffice to say they both made a number of bad choices if they were in a position where this could even happen behind an Arby's. I wonder if there's an Urban Dictionary term for this as an intentional sex act. I'm going to call it a Baltimore Bird Feeder.

I'm trying to find you for weeks. The first use of capitalization in the body of the post brings with it the first instance of poor grammar. Perhaps there's a cap on the maximum allowable correct English? I also don't know why she only thought to go to Craigslist now if she's been trying to find him for weeks.

My sister wants to talk to you.

Whoa! A new character introduced so late in the game. It's like Allison Janney in Lost. So the woman is trying to track the guy down so her sister can yell at him? Fall in love with him? Get her turn behind the Arby's with him?

Everything about the post is just so good. And I just couldn't stop wondering: Did she finally connect with him?

I Googled and Googled and Googled but couldn't find any follow-up. I had to know.

So I emailed her.
Subject: Did you ever find the guy?

Hello! I have never bothered someone from a Craigslist post before, but I am so interested in your story I thought I'd take a shot in the dark and see if there were any developments. Hope to hear back from you. If not, good luck in your quest.
And then I played the waiting game.

But, of course, the waiting game sucks and I'd far rather play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

Still, I waited and waited and waited.

And waited and waited.

Then waited some more.

More waiting.

Waiting is the hardest part.

Still waiting.

The waiting is killing me.

Keep on waiting.

Waiting and waiting.

Five minutes had finally passed and I clicked on "Inbox" to see if new email had come in.

Nothing.

[fast forward 15 hours]

I'm about to hit publish and still no response. I assume this is like a kidnapping, where if you don't hear anything in the first day, things don't look good. We will probably never know if these two star-crossed lovers ever reunited, maybe sat down, had a Beef-n-Cheddar and laughed about that crazy night after the bluegrass house party. I'd like to think they did.

And if any of the involved parties are somehow reading this, please let me know. Before I have to post a Missed Connection about my missed connection with all of you guys.


This post was originally published on Monday, March 23, 2015 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex.

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