11 Points

11 Strange, and Often Wrong, Colored Foods and Drinks
written by Sam Greenspan

I thought of this idea yesterday when everyone was talking about green beer. Sometimes, foods are just supposed to be one color. And when they're not, it feels wrong.

I know that green beer is regular beer with tasteless food coloring added. And yet, when you drink it, your mind thinks something is off. Food colors matter.

So I put together this list of 11 weirdly-colored foods, strange food colors, and/or experiments in food coloring that were just flat-out wrong.
  1. Green beer. Alcohol shouldn't color your tongue. If it does, you're doing it wrong. That's why I never do shots out of test tubes. Why put the shots that are all juice and coloring into the nerdiest scientific item in the entire bar? They don't light up your flaming shots with a bunsen burner.


  2. Pink fake bacon (or "fakon"). I don't get why they do this on vegetarian products. It's not bacon. It doesn't taste like bacon. And, worst of all, in their attempts to make it resemble bacon, it's hot pink with fake off-white marbling.


  3. Purple ketchup. At one point, Heinz decided that kids didn't want red ketchup any more, they wanted colored ketchup. The stuff looks like, at best, mold.


  4. Blue raspberry. I never understood why blue became the universal color of raspberry in candy. I get that cherry is red, but kids aren't stupid. And they haven't lost their vision yet... they can still visually discern between red and maroon or red and vermilion. "Blue raspberry" was such a weird decision someone made once upon a time that stuck.


  5. Crystal Pepsi. Frankly, this was all just an elaborate ruse to cram yet another reference to Crystal Pepsi onto this blog.


  6. Green eggs. My name is Sam. For my entire life I have been tormented by this food. At least when people want to make a lame cultural reference to my name they go for "Sam I Am" and not "I Am Sam". And then to round it out I could say "Am I Sam?"


  7. Pink butter. Unacceptable. If butter's pink, how can Americans continue to secretly cook everything in it and fatten up. The pink would leave evidence behind.


  8. White mint chocolate chip. I remember when my mom bought some white mint chocolate chip ice cream. I thought it was weird. Then I ate some and it was effing delicious. Seriously. I think my mom and I would've killed a man for trying to take this away from us.

    I'm fairly sure that green is added to most cheaper mint chocolate chip ice creams just to distinguish it from regular chocolate chip.

    It's like the green color in the Shamrock Shake. Does it really add a minty taste or is that in your head? (And, more importantly, did you just think to yourself, "Oh shit it's March 18th McDonald's is gonna stop selling Shamrock Shakes this week I gotta go buy one before I get McRibbed."


  9. Purple mashed potatoes. I actually don't care for mashed potatoes, so this doesn't gross me out any more than regular white mashed potatoes.


  10. Black tomatoes. These, on the other hand, gross me out hardcore.


  11. Blue duck. I want to eat blue duck because I've never eaten a blue duck before and I want to eat one.



This post was originally published on Wednesday, March 18, 2009 at 12:01:00 AM under the category Food & Drink.

Facebookery?
11 Obscure Monopoly Trivia Facts

11 Best Discontinued Fast Food Items

11 Awesome Phobias, In Photos and Videos

11 Great Moments When Faces Appeared in Food

11 Random Facts About America's 11 Most Popular Breakfast Cereals

Archive of all Food & Drink posts
11 Things Comically Named 'American' Around the World
11 Things Comically Named 'American' Around the World
Published Friday, July 1, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Travel
How Does Staples Get Away With Such Spammy Emails? Six Totally Reasonable Conspiracy Theories
Introducing Mariko Aoki Phenomenon: The Need to Defecate When Entering a Bookstore
Introducing Mariko Aoki Phenomenon: The Need to Defecate When Entering a Bookstore
Published Wednesday, June 29, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Books
11 More Photos of Ridiculous Signs That Must Have Crazy Backstories
11 More Photos of Ridiculous Signs That Must Have Crazy Backstories
Published Tuesday, June 28, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Travel
This May Just Be the Funniest Minute in Pro Wrestling History
This May Just Be the Funniest Minute in Pro Wrestling History
Published Monday, June 27, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Sports
I Think Harvard Business Review Really Misunderstood Some Social Media Marketing Advice
I Think Harvard Business Review Really Misunderstood Some Social Media Marketing Advice
Published Friday, June 24, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Web & Tech
Full Archive



Follow
Mailing list
Twitter
Facebook
YouTube
Pinterest
Instagram
RSS

Categories
Travel
Web & Tech
Books
Sports
Dating & Sex
Misc
Personal
Movies
TV
News & Politics
Games
Music
Food & Drink
Countdown
Interviews
Full archive

Follow
11 Points

Mailing list


Twitter


Facebook


YouTube


Pinterest


RSS