11 Points

11 Things You Can Do To A Passed-Out Friend, In Order of Cruelty
written by Sam Greenspan

Last Thursday's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", with its discussion of teabagging, got me thinking about the things people do to other people while they're passed out.

Here's a list of the things people commonly do when a friend passes out in a common area (with shoes ON of course... if they take their shoes off, the Geneva Convention states you can't mess with them).

And I put them in order, from least cruel to most cruel.
  1. Turn them over to make sure the don't choke on their potential vomit.


  2. Cover them with a blanket.


  3. Take a photo, to give them a frame of reference when you're all talking about the pass out tomorrow.


  4. Take photos of people laughing and pointing at them.


  5. Take photos of people laughing and pointing at their genitals. Or any photo of their genitals in general.


  6. Build a structure on top of them.


  7. Draw on their face in permanent marker. Generally incorporating Sharpee penises near the mouth.


  8. Dip their hand in hot water. Just because you started doing that to people at 5th grade sleepovers doesn't mean it's off limits today.


  9. LDOF. Look it up to find out what it means.


  10. Teabag them.


  11. Murder them.



This post was originally published on Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM under the category Food & Drink.

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