11 Points

11 Classic Pranks No Longer Viable in Modern Times
written by Sam Greenspan

There's something about the "banana in the tailpipe" gimmick that always gets me. I think I have a weird preference toward banana-oriented pranks, because I also like the idea of someone slipping on a banana peel. Please refrain from armchair Freudian psychoanalysis on this topic.

This post is, eventually, about antiquated pranks.



But first, it's a story about the banana in the tailpipe's lesser-known cousin: The potato in the tailpipe. The story is also about arson, strippers, freemasons, the surprisingly expansive seedy side of Connecticut, DNA evidence and high-fiving at explosions. But I can't get past the tailpipe.


Martin.
Willow Martin, 19, is a stripper from Naugatuck, Connecticut. One of her friends at the Hollywood Connecticut Strip Club was another dancer, named Breonna Constantino. But like the documentary Showgirls taught us, it's awfully hard for strippers to maintain friendships.

They had a falling out last summer after a trip to Wildwood, New Jersey, where Willow lent Breonna $1,200. Breonna never paid her back, so Willow decided to get some disproportionate revenge.

Breonna's stepfather owns a business called MTM Masonry. On September 15th, in the middle of the night, Willow and her boyfriend, Matthew Garguilo, 28, went to MTM Masonry and set the place on fire. They dumped a bunch of gas, lit it on fire, and watched as there was a huge explosion. "Just like in the movies," Matthew would say. He also says he and Willow high-fived, and left.

Breonna's stepdad got a call around 5:00 A.M. that his business was on fire. But when he got in his van to drive there, he couldn't -- because Willow and Matthew had shoved a potato in his tailpipe. Little did they know that would be the key piece of evidence that would unravel their plan.

The police DNA tested the tailpipe potato, and found Matthew's DNA. Thanks to that info, they were able to connect the dots on the arson. Both Matthew and Willow are now facing charges; Willow was arrested on Tuesday and charged with second-degree arson, third-degree burglary, conspiracy and more.

I suspect this story may just mark the end of anyone putting produce in a tailpipe. Granted, most people wouldn't do it in conjunction with arson, but even as a standalone prank it's clearly too fraught with downside in a DNA testing world.

And it's not the only classic prank that's lost its viability in modern times. Here are 11 of them.
  1. Prank phone calls. These died with the end of landlines. And, I suppose, phone calls.

  2. Putting a bucket of water on top of a door. Wasting clean water? Not acceptable.

  3. Putting a "Kick Me" sign on someone's back. Finding paper, a writing instrument and tape? Too tough in an electronic world. It's why cyberbullying is just so much easier.

  4. Sugar in the gas tank. Adding sugar to anything is far too taboo right now.

  5. Wedgies. A confluence of bullying and sexual harassment? Yikes.

  6. Dangling a dollar bill from a fishing pole. Just makes people depressingly think of all the money that's been made from overfishing.

  7. Saran wrap over the toilet bowl. At this point, it's best to steer clear of anything related to bathrooms.

  8. Warm water on the hand while someone sleeps. So antiquated. Taking the sleeping person's phone and posting a video on their Snapchat is a far more likely scenario.

  9. Change the time on someone's clocks. Most clocks are automatically synced right now. Even if you get to all the manual clocks, will you also get to their cell phone, tablet, computer, cable box, smart watch and trap phone? WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE TRAP PHONE?

  10. Replacing the Oreo creme with toothpaste. Good luck finding someone who'll just eat regular Oreos today. They make like 15 new wacky Oreo flavors a week now. Why eat regular ones when you can have Chocolate Chip Tropical Fruit Oreos instead? And I'm not sure you can find toothpaste to match that creme color.

  11. Indian burn. I mean, come on.


This post was originally published on Thursday, July 14, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Misc.

Facebookery?
11 Amazing Antiquated Sexual Terms That Need To Be Brought Back

11 Pictures of Really Strange Lawyer Billboards

11 Most Ridiculous Criminals of 2015 - Part Two

11 Careers Where It's Ideal To Be Obese

The Best Picture I Saw This Week (4-10 to 4-16-2015)

Archive of all Misc posts
Who Has Held More Jobs: Super Mario or Homer Simpson?
Who Has Held More Jobs: Super Mario or Homer Simpson?
Published Thursday, September 7, 2017 at 11:00:00 AM under the category TV
The 11 Funniest Words in the World, According to Science
The 11 Funniest Words in the World, According to Science
Published Thursday, August 10, 2017 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Misc
11 Textbook Writers Who Temporarily Lost Their Minds
11 Textbook Writers Who Temporarily Lost Their Minds
Published Wednesday, July 26, 2017 at 10:00:00 AM under the category Books
A Ban on Everclear Grain Alcohol Is Bad News... For the Violin Industry?
A Ban on Everclear Grain Alcohol Is Bad News... For the Violin Industry?
Published Thursday, July 6, 2017 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Food & Drink
11 Pairs of Classic Movies That Were Surprisingly Released on the Same Day ('90-'94)
11 Pairs of Classic Movies That Were Surprisingly Released on the Same Day ('90-'94)
Published Thursday, June 22, 2017 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Movies
11 One-Hit Wonders Whose One Hit Was a Cover
11 One-Hit Wonders Whose One Hit Was a Cover
Published Friday, June 9, 2017 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Music
Full Archive
Follow
11 Points

Mailing list


Twitter


Facebook


YouTube


Pinterest


RSS