11 Deeply Existential Signs and Billboards
written by Sam Greenspan

Some might say that 11 Points is about as qualified to delve into existentialism as Lisa Turtle was in the episode where she was trying to impress the smart guy. ("What is art? Are we art? Is art art?")

But, just like Lisa Turtle, it's time to give it the ol' Stansbury try. (And also like Lisa Turtle, I'm currently wearing a sassy early '90s party dress under my smart person clothes, in case this whole journey into philosophy is a bust and I decide it's time to cut loose.)

Here are 11 signs and billboards all of which, whether intentionally or not, should've made road-weary travelers question their inner Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

1. This would probably be more useful on a map. However, it's less useful than, say, a piece of paper that says "You are Lisa Simpson."
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. If I don't believe in the dust storms, are there dust storms? It's such a wonderfully thought-provoking way of cautioning people about dust storms. If a dust storm blows in the desert and you're not around to see it, did it really happen?
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. What's the point of life... or Pepsi? On one hand, this could be a depressing sign about the impact that one person can truly make in his or her life. On the other hand, it may just be this bar asking what's the point of drinking Pepsi when you can get hammed off Budweiser seven days a week.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Godot? This sign would make Samuel Beckett proud (on at least two different levels).
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. Even Target questions what is and isn't. At Target, sometimes a basket is not a basket, and sometimes a sign is not a sign. (Also, based on their flattering clothes sizing, sometimes a medium is not a medium.)
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. A sign seen on the subway. Of all these, this is the one that could really put a college freshman over the edge. "If it's not the subway, then I'm not really riding the subway... but I think I'm on the subway, I mean, I paid the fare, I'm on an underground train, there's an angry guy in a giant winter coat over there listening to a 1989 Walkman... oh my god, this isn't real. None of this is real. I'm not real! I need a meatball sandwich."
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. ...one of us? A stranger on the bus? Joan of Arcadia? Or in serious need of facial hair removal.
   
   
   
   
   
   
8. The rest is still unwritten. I know this is only deep because of the janky translation (as this blog is no stranger to fun with janky translations)... but I really wanted to have a positive one on here. It's the warm, optimistic, stilted English-based positivity of your average fortune cookie, and I dig it.
   
   
   
   
   
   
9. But you're using it to tell me that. So it really is in use. Which means either the sign is lying or the sign isn't real. (There is no spoon, by the way.)
   
   
   
   
   
   
10. That's pretty harsh talk for a pawn shop. I don't know, Dutch... maybe I exist to sell you a handgun for pennies on the dollar and use that money to buy a hot pair of speakers. (And I mean "hot" in the Dick Tracy gangster way, not the Mims way.)
    
    
    
    
    
    
11. I exist for churros. Gotta be honest, sign spray painted on the ground: A really, really good churro actually DOES kinda reinforce my existence.
    
    
    
    
    
    

This list was originally published on Monday, March 15, 2010 at 06:30:00 AM under the category Misc.
It currently has View Comments.

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