11 Points

11 Funniest Classified Ads Ever
written by Sam Greenspan

I've said this before, but I'll say it again: Enjoy newspapers while you can. Even though they are on a path to being completely obsolete with the 24-hour news cycle, you're going to miss them when they're gone.

One thing you're going to miss the most: The hilarity of the classifieds in small-town newspapers. Craigslist is never going to replace the unintentional comedy of a good, old-fashioned, paid classified ad. Like these 11. The 11 greatest, most ridiculous, hilarious classified ads I've ever seen.
  1. Don't you want at least a little? And you really can't provide the tools?


  2. Such a bad choice of words. Apparently, it never occurred to this person that maybe this phrasing would NOT help move his potty chair.


  3. Totally not important. Just like I don't care about numbers on this website, I'm just doing it for the love of writing. (Please join my Facebook fan page ASAP, thanks!)


  4. Not sure how these things are related. I suppose it is fun to watch someone weed whack while moving their hips in a slight circle, but I'm not sure if I'm making that a prereq for my gardener.


  5. It's never too late to say you're sorry. This guy just wants to ketchup. HI-YO! (Professional comedy writer for almost six years now, folks.)


  6. Grandma? I just got laid off and need a favor. Remember how you said you hated the home we put you in and wanted to live in a place that's more exciting? Well this isn't going to disappoint...


  7. Only done it once. This ad gets better with every sentence, culminating with the last one. Pack your bo staff and saddle up for what's sure to be a wonderful time.


  8. No, this is the "No HomerS" club. But you let Homer HendelBergenHeinzel in!


  9. I'm guessing it's the latter. But Peter might've been pretty good too!


  10. Harsh. This is almost as insulting as having to buy two airplane tickets.


  11. 15 minutes of fame. For one day, until these cockblocking broads had to post a correction, George Brownridge was the coolest man in town.



This post was originally published on Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 12:01:00 AM under the category Misc.

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