11 Points

11 People With the Worst Possible Names For Their Professions
written by Sam Greenspan

As we say around here at the 11 Points offices -- "we" being me talking to the dog and "offices" being the spare bedroom in my house -- there's nothing like a good pun. So now, good puns.

I scoured the irritating slideshows of the Internet to track down photographic proof of people with horrible names for their jobs. Some of these are so close to irony that if a person on a reality show called one of these irony, he or she might actually be nearly correct.

Here are 11 people with names horribly suited for their chosen careers.
  1. Richard Frankenstein, doctor.



    I'm sure this guy has heard the jokes for his entire life -- from the first time he played Operation as a little kid right up until he introduced himself to someone this morning. It's so bad the article has to clarify things:
    "The new [chief medical officer]'s name is Dr. Richard S. Frankenstein, pronounced Franken-STEEN -- unlike the monster-building doctor in Mary Shelly's classic story."
    Cool. I'm still not sure I'd be willing to have my organs donated to his hospital.

  2. Jackie Daniels, director of Indiana University Office of Alternative Screening and Intervention Services.



    If you're wondering why Jackie is the director of an organization with such a convoluted name, it's because the acronym is OASIS. That's called putting the acronym cart before the logic horse right there.

  3. Sam Sung, Apple specialist.



    According to a new report, Sam Sung is no longer working for Apple. He had to see the firing coming on the Verizon. (BAM!)

  4. Asbury Coward, colonel.



    This feels like a case where this guy worked twice as hard as everyone else to prove he WASN'T a coward... and as a result, he earned himself a monument. (Although, based on research, Coward was a Confederate and was with General Lee at Appomattox. If Twitter had been around people would've had a field day with that.)

  5. Will Tickel, chiropractor.



    Although you don't want your chiropractic adjustments to tickle, it'd be worse if his last name were Maim. Or Cripple. Or Overcharge.

  6. Jaime Sin, cardinal.



    Cardinal Sin was a major figure in the Philippines. I would stretch for a joke here, but I feel like he still has some powerful friends and I don't want to turn the Philippines against me. I don't want to have to hang up a map like the Simpsons did, putting an "X" through every place I'm no longer welcome to visit.

  7. Rich White, Republican candidate.



    And it's even more fitting that he's running unopposed.

  8. Bob Walk, Grant Balfour and Eric Plunk, pitchers.



    All three are Major League pitchers (of past and present) whose last names feature ways they could send a batter to first base without a hit. I couldn't find any batters with reciprocal name issues -- perhaps a Frank Strike or a Ryan Lineout or a Horace Catcherinterference.

  9. Ted Kadivar, surgeon.



    Even though it's spelled "Kadivar" and not "Cadaver," that doesn't really inspire confidence.

  10. Janelle Lawless, judge.



    In spite of her name, Lawless won the election in 2003 to become a circuit court judge in Ingham County, Michigan. She was re-elected in 2009. Her term ends next year, which will hopefully end the anarchy she's no doubt brought to Ingham County, Michigan, for the past decade.

  11. Sandra Nurse, doctor.



    According to sitcoms, female doctors are always being called "nurse" by Archie Bunker types. In this case, it just opens the door to a glorious round of Who's on First? - Hospital Edition...
    Patient: Who's my doctor?
    Orderly: It's Nurse.
    Patient: Oh, I'm sorry. Who's my doctor, nurse?
    Orderly No, I'm not a nurse. Your doctor is.
    Patient: My doctor is what?
    Orderly: Nurse.
    Patient: My doctor is what, nurse?
    Orderly: No, your doctor is Nurse.
    Patient: What?
    Orderly: Doctor Nurse.
    Patient Doctor... who?
    Orderly: No, that's Matt Smith.
    And scene.


This post was originally published on Wednesday, December 11, 2013 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Misc.

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