Like the men's list, I was looking for songs that have become inseparably linked to names -- so much so that anyone with that name has the song sung at them on a regular basis. Yes, we're a society that sings at people, not to or with or for people.
Here are 11 women's names forever tainted by song titles.
The perfect song for stealing George Harrison's wife.
Layla(tainted by Eric Clapton's "Layla") - One day I'd like to meet someone named Layla so I can just bust into a kick-ass seven-minute guitar solo. Of course, I don't know how to play guitar -- but if that's never stopped Dave Grohl, I won't let it stop me.
Caroline(tainted by Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline") - This was one of the songs I included in my list of 11 Songs From Past Decades That Got Played Out In the 2000s -- and that's also what has ruined things for all the Carolines out there. Although saying "Hi, I'm Caroline" and having someone respond "BUM BUM BUM" is just a hair better than saying "Hi, I'm Caroline" and having someone respond "In the city?!?"
Mandy(tainted by Barry Manilow's "Mandy") - Ah, the eternal dilemma of any pop culture addict -- do I make the Simpsons reference to Homer sending Mindy Simmons Ben-Gay... or do I make the Can't Hardly Wait reference to Ethan Embry hearing "Mandy" and thinking it's a sign he should make his move on AmanDUH? (Or do I just sneakily pose the question, thus getting to make both references while committing to neither?)
She couldn't stay out that late.
Iesha(tainted by Another Bad Creation's "Iesha") - I can't believe I'm going to bring up Kris Kross twice in a week (I brought them up in the male names list on Tuesday) -- but here they are, as relevant as ever. I really think Another Bad Creation could've gone on to be bigger if Kris Kross hadn't come out and splintered the pre-pubescent rap group fan base. It's just like what happened with First Daughter and Chasing Liberty.
Roxanne(tainted by The Police's "Roxanne") - Several years back I lived in Hollywood, and lived around the corner from a strip club. I never bothered to go until a friend was in town and really wanted to check it out. It would've been utterly forgettable, except for one stripper who did a full routine to "Roxanne". And this wasn't a traditional strip club "Pour Some Sugar On Me" or "Cherry Pie" routine. It was like a real, choreographed dance -- the closest you'd come to seeing contemporary or lyrical dance at a grimy strip club. After it was over and the tips had poured in she was moved and many in the crowd were moved too. So the moral of the story is... sometimes even strip clubs are boring.
Rhonda(tainted by The Beach Boys' "Help Me Rhonda") - Believe it or not, in 1975, Rhonda was still one of the 100 most popular names for girls in the U.S. Then it kind of fell off a cliff. By 1995, it was out of the top 1,000. Based on cycles and parents more and more desperate for unique names, doesn't that mean Rhonda's due for a comeback? Look out, Bella and Madison. Rhonda is coming for you.
Lola(tainted by The Kinks' "Lola") - As a Lola, you're getting either (1) transvestite Lola from The Kinks whose name you lazily rhyme with cherry cola (2) Lola the showgirl from Barry Manilow or (3) whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. And, as it always goes in life, Manilow is the worst possible outcome.
Art Garfunkel: Lover of questionable tail.
Cecelia(tainted by Simon and Garfunkel's "Cecelia") - I always felt like it was Art Garfunkel who was having sex with Cecelia, not Paul Simon. Just feels like Art probably got with sketchier women.
Eileen(tainted by Dexys Midnight Runners "Come On Eileen") - Two mind-blowing facts I learned in the span of 20 seconds working on this. One: There's no apostrophe in Dexys. Two: We consider them a famous one-hit wonder, but in England they're way bigger. They even had another number one hit, called "Geno". Plus six others in the top 40. And they're still active, performing under the name Dexys. I feel like I just time traveled.
Jenny(tainted by Tommy Tutone's "867-5309 / Jenny") - Tommy Tutone basically stuck a knife into Jenny; forever and arbitrarily associating the name with a string of numbers like he's an obsessive-compulsive writer on Lost. But if his wound wasn't fatal, Jenny was officially killed off by Jennifer Lopez's "Jenny From the Block".
Sherrie(tainted by Steve Perry's "Oh Sherrie") - No more Journey psych-outs!
This post was originally published on Friday, June 22, 2012 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Music.