11 of Ludacris's Sexual Fantasies That Are Just Too Damn Unrealistic (page 2)
Published Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 02:01:00 AM - Single-page view
Go back to page one...
This list was published on Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 02:01:00 AM under the category Music.
Published Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 02:01:00 AM - Single-page view
"We can do it in the pouring rain, running the train." In the pouring rain, that's logical... it's a simple enough fantasy that any giving sex partner will happily agree to indulge it.
But talking her into pulling a train during that thunderstorm? Now you're really asking for too much. I envision the conversation as such:"Hey, baby, can we have sex out there when it's pouring? I want to be like John Cusack."
And... scene.
"Oh, of course, if that's what you want, baby."
"Aww, you're the greatest. Thank you!"
"No problem!"
"Oh... and when we're done, will you stand out in the rain for another two hours and let nine of my friends bang you too?"
[Dial tone]- "Up on the roof (roof), tell your boyfriend not to be mad at me." If you're going to have sex with a girl who's got a boyfriend, you shouldn't do it on the roof. Where's your common sense? On the roof, you have absolutely no escape route if the boyfriend busts in and catches you. He's gonna murder you, or you're gonna have to jump. There's no other alternative.
If you're going to have sex with a girl who's got a boyfriend, do it in someplace where you can easily escape, like in a subway station or a hall of mirrors. - "We can do it on stage of the Ludacris concert, 'cause you know it got sold out." I once saw a video of 2 Live Crew having sex with a bunch of groupies on stage during a concert, so this isn't totally implausible. But Ludacris isn't 2 Live Crew. With his career trajectory he's much more likely to be the next Will Smith than the next Luther Campbell.
Also, if his concert is sold out, the fans are probably going to want to hear him rap, not all just stand there watching him have sex. It might be cool at first but eventually, people are going to start shouting "Come on, dude, we know you have hoes in this area code. You have hoes in every area code! Have sex with them later and do 'Number One Spot'!"
"On the red carpet, dick could just roll out." I just don't see Ludacris getting out of a limo, walking onto a red carpet, rolling out his genitals and having sex right there in front of everyone. Though if he did, it would finally justify the thousands of hours of inane, boring, pointless and masturbatory red carpet shows that networks have insisted on airing over the past four decades.
- "In the Georgia Dome on the 50-yard line while the Dirty Birds kick for t'ree." This stands as Ludacris's most ambitious and unattainable sexual fantasy. To get on the field during a Falcons game, head to the 50-yard-line and have sex... all while the Falcons are trying to kick a field goal... well, it just doesn't seem like there's any way that could happen.
Even with Ludacris's celebrity status (especially in Atlanta), I don't think he makes it past two thrusts before security is grabbing him and Roddy White's like "Damn, Luda was hittin' that!" and Matt Ryan's like "Who is that guy?" and Tony Gonzales is like "Gee whiz, fellas, can't we get back to the game?" and Jason Elam is like "I love kicking for a dome team, but I didn't know Ludacris was going to be having sex on the field during my kicks" and Michael Vick is watching on TV and saying "Man, that was cool. I wish I was still in Atlanta. Luda's my dog."
Go back to page one...
This list was published on Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 02:01:00 AM under the category Music.
Did you enjoy this list?
11 Points is a one-man operation that relies on word-of-mouth & repeat readers.
So please consider sharing this list using the social media icons in the box, and/or joining the 11 Points mailing list, Facebook fan page and Twitter feed.
11 Points is a one-man operation that relies on word-of-mouth & repeat readers.
So please consider sharing this list using the social media icons in the box, and/or joining the 11 Points mailing list, Facebook fan page and Twitter feed.
Leave/view comments on this entry: View Comments
11 Points Live Blog - 2010 Emmy Awards
Published Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 06:57:00 PM under the category TV
11 Acronyms Whose Dirty Meanings Have Usurped Their Clean Meanings
Published Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex
11 Stars of The Expendables, Ranked By On-Screen Ass Kicking
Published Tuesday, August 24, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Movies
11 Very Unfortunate Mistakes On TV News Graphics
Published Friday, August 20, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category News & Politics
11 Thoughts On the WWE After Attending Monday Night Raw
Published Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Sports
11 Famous Sony Products, Ranked From Worst Failure to Biggest Success
Published Monday, August 16, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Web & Tech
Full Archive
Published Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 06:57:00 PM under the category TV
11 Acronyms Whose Dirty Meanings Have Usurped Their Clean Meanings
Published Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex
11 Stars of The Expendables, Ranked By On-Screen Ass Kicking
Published Tuesday, August 24, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Movies
11 Very Unfortunate Mistakes On TV News Graphics
Published Friday, August 20, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category News & Politics
11 Thoughts On the WWE After Attending Monday Night Raw
Published Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Sports
11 Famous Sony Products, Ranked From Worst Failure to Biggest Success
Published Monday, August 16, 2010 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Web & Tech
Full Archive
11 Points is comprised entirely of (theoretically) humorous 11-item lists covering a giant swath of topics.
It's composed entirely by this stern-
faced goon to the right. His name
is Sam. Screw Flanders.
It's composed entirely by this stern-
faced goon to the right. His name
is Sam. Screw Flanders.
(advertisement)
11 Points on Twitter
interaction, news, randomness
interaction, news, randomness
11 Points on Facebook
community, forum, public affection
community, forum, public affection
11 Points RSS
instantaneous, confusing to the elderly
instantaneous, confusing to the elderly
11 Points Mailing List
updates, contests, exclusives
updates, contests, exclusives
(advertisement)
Friends, Bloggers and Well-Wishers
(Meaning they wish me no specific harm.)
(Meaning they wish me no specific harm.)
11 Points is a collection of exhaustively-researched, meticulously-written, theoretically-humorous 11-item lists, covering topics ranging from TV and movies to the Internet and video games to food and dating to politics and race relations.
It's all written by Sam Greenspan, a Midwest-born, classically-trained journalist who now tries to make a dollar out of 15 cents in Los Angeles. (It's hard to be legit and still pay the rent.)
Read more about 11 Points and Sam here.
For information about reprinting 11 Points content, or for quotes/interviews for your newspaper, magazine, website, TV program, or radio show, contact Sam via e-mail at
It's all written by Sam Greenspan, a Midwest-born, classically-trained journalist who now tries to make a dollar out of 15 cents in Los Angeles. (It's hard to be legit and still pay the rent.)
Read more about 11 Points and Sam here.
For information about reprinting 11 Points content, or for quotes/interviews for your newspaper, magazine, website, TV program, or radio show, contact Sam via e-mail at
