11 Points

11 Minorities With the Next Best Shot at Being Elected President
written by Sam Greenspan

So we elected a black president. 2pac is going to have to get back in the studio now and cut an update to "Changes".

Let's take a look at some of America's other minority groups that have always seemed like longshots for the White House... and guess when they might follow in Obama's footsteps and achieve the unbelievable.

  1. Me, Steve Young and Donny Osmond are taking this game all the way to Washington.
    Mormon. You heard it here... well, not first, but toward the beginning of this: The Mormons are gunning for the White House. If Obama and this Democratic Congress are as liberal as they potentially could be, there could be a 180-degree backlash. And that would be a Mormon candidate... like Mitt Romney.

    It would also lead to an explosion of and then, thankfully, moratorium on multiple wives jokes. Plus, even though Romney isn't Utahan, it would shine the spotlight on Utah, hard. I know that's what they want, but I hope they realize what that means. Sarah Palin's exposure set Alaska back at least 30 years.

    Prediction: As soon as 2012

  2. Woman. Hillary was extraordinarily close and, frankly, there's no way America is more sexist than racist. But I don't see the Republicans having a female candidate (at least not yet)... and Obama and Biden will most likely lock down the Democratic nominations for the next two elections... so the wait is back on.

    Prediction: As soon as 2020

  3. Latino. In about 40 years, Hispanic people won't be a minority group in the U.S. anymore. I see a Latino president even before that happens, though.

    Also, I will now take this opportunity to preemptively do all of the hack comedian jokes, so that you won't have to be subjected to them during the campaign. No, if elected, our first Latino president won't move all 40 of his family members into the White House. No, the Air Force One won't be up on blocks in the front yard. No, the cars in his motorcade won't just be covered in primer. And no, he won't balance the budget through freeway exit fruit sales. You're welcome...?

    Prediction: As soon as 2020


  4. Let's just work together to make sure the first Jewish presidential candidate isn't this guy.
    Jew. We aren't a large percentage of this country, though we are ridiculously overrepresented in pretty much every visible professional field.

    It's hard to say how much latent anti-Semitism still resides in America (I don't see much of it but, then again, I've lived in three cities with enormous Jewish populations). And, anyway, I'd guess a Jewish candidate would be smart and clever enough to figure out a way to avoid letting it be an issue.

    Prediction: As soon as 2024

  5. Asian. Asian-Americans feel pretty underrepresented in national politics... there only half a dozen Asians, Indians and Pacific Islanders in the House or Senate... there's one Indian governor... and it's hard to think of high-profile Asian politicians.

    Could an Asian-American become president? Why not? I feel like America is absolutely ready. The question for me is: Would someone even want the job? For some reason I feel like Asian people have better things to do than being President of the United States.

    Prediction: As soon as 2024

  6. Atheist. Even though He's not going to get name-dropped in as many political speeches in the coming years, God is still pretty strongly tied in with this country's government. So I think an agnostic candidate would struggle... and an atheist would lead to riots.

    But that's in today's climate of everyone having a religion hair trigger. Who knows what's going to happen two generations from now?

    Prediction: As soon as 2068


  7. When he grows up, would you vote for him?
    Redhead. I certainly wouldn't vote a ginger into the White House. We need a president who has a soul.

    Prediction: As soon as 2080 (so I'll only have to see it if I live to be 101)

  8. Gay. Yeah. Let's look at this for a second. It took about 50 years from the Civil Rights movement until we elected a black president. Because this country is shockingly homophobic, the gay rights movement still hasn't truly happened. So if we assume it will be 50 years from when that happens... and we may be half a generation away from it happening... it's gonna be a while.

    Prediction: As soon as 2084

  9. Communist. With the way people were throwing around the word "socialist" these past few months, you'd think this was even closer. But this country isn't ready to redefine red states as RED states. At least not yet.

    Prediction: As soon as 2100

  10. Muslim. It's going to take at least a century for most of this country to (1) realize that 99.99 percent of Muslims aren't terrorists and (2) voting for a Muslim doesn't mean you are a terrorist.

    We've got a long way to go, America.

    Prediction: As soon as 2108

  11. Robot. Can a robot lead? And, more importantly, can a robot love? I hope I live to see the day when I can eat my food pill, hop in my flying car, go to the polls (which will be called PollsTron 3000), and vote for a robot candidate.

    I mean, if, in 2008, CNN can beam a hologram of Will.I.Am into their election coverage, we have to be within a century of the robot takeover, right?

    Prediction: As soon as 2108


This post was originally published on Wednesday, November 5, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM under the category News & Politics.

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