11 Points

11 Most Painfully Obvious Newspaper Articles Ever
written by Sam Greenspan

Every time I do a list about newspapers doing hilariously dumb things (like 11 Hilarious (and Very Necessary) Newspaper Corrections or 11 Great Moments in Police Blotter History), I lament the fact that newspapers are on a crash course with extinction. Without the immediacy of the Internet, the disregard for ethics and proper reporting of the blogs, or the classifieds -- and prostitutes -- of Craigslist, the print media simply isn't viable in the modern world.

And that's sad for many reasons... but today, I'm going to call it sad because it means that, one day, there will be no more printed stories like the ones below.

So let's all channel our inner Jay Leno for a moment and enjoy these painfully, and hilariously, obvious newspaper articles. (You can also make your voice high-pitched and say, "So I hear President Clinton's in the newths again. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Yeah... watch out interns!")
  1. Two different strategies for keeping warm. The first of these strategies is very, very intuitive...



    ...but the second one, thanks to a typo, takes the same basic advice to an entirely different place. (It also seems like it isn't very tactful advice to give to "older adults.")



  2. OK, follow-up: So what makes a billionaire? My favorite part is that they had to go to the senior vice president of investments at AG Edwards and Sons to get the answer to this question. They couldn't think of a simpler way to find what they were looking for?



  3. Book 'em Lou: One count of being a bear, one count of being an accessory to a bear. I'd actually be curious to see if they could come up with a third theory.



  4. The big difference between sinus infections and jellyfish stings. Sometimes I think people are just looking for reasons to get doused with urine.



  5. Talk to me about pregnancy for a second. I have four different ones on pregnancy... it just seems to be supple, supple ground for Yahoo Answers-level discourse.









  6. Hey, it's something to build on. I've re-read this one over and over, and I'm still not exactly sure why they chose to print that sentence. I just can't figure out what purpose it ever could've served.



  7. Guns don't kill people... ... dying kills people. Apparently.



  8. Women really are quite responsible. It's funny, because guys are always diagnosing other guys with strained and/or sandy vaginas. With just a little more preventative care those could probably be avoided.



  9. Stop snitchin', right? Ya know, I learned that dead men tell no tales on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland a long time ago.



  10. One of these wishes is not like the others. I guess it really is the most obvious thing to wish for (other than a billion wishes).



  11. Feels like it's out of The Onion. It's like forming a committee to analyze if you've got too much bureaucracy. Or going to a brothel to get a second opinion on whether you're a sex addict.




This post was originally published on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 10:00:00 AM under the category News & Politics.

Facebookery?
Get the new game created by Sam of 11 Points!
11 Great Moments in Police Blotter History - Animal Edition

11 Great Moments in Police Blotter History

11 For Dummies Books That Are Actually For Dummies

11 Strange Proposed Constitutional Amendments That Obviously Failed

11 Best News Bloopers and Screw-Ups Ever

Archive of all News & Politics posts
11 Obscure Video Games Based on Movies (That Really Didn't Need Video Game Adaptations)
11 Obscure Video Games Based on Movies (That Really Didn't Need Video Game Adaptations)
Published Wednesday, April 27, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Games
Man Visits From Future, Demands Arby's
Man Visits From Future, Demands Arby's
Published Wednesday, April 20, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Food & Drink
11 Great Moments When Faces Appeared in Food
11 Great Moments When Faces Appeared in Food
Published Thursday, April 7, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Food & Drink
A Guy Just Took a Selfie With the Bomb-Strapped Man Hijacking His Flight
A Guy Just Took a Selfie With the Bomb-Strapped Man Hijacking His Flight
Published Wednesday, March 30, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Web & Tech
11 Signs Bursting With Accidental Sexual Innuendo
11 Signs Bursting With Accidental Sexual Innuendo
Published Friday, March 25, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Dating & Sex
The 11 Most Annoying Sounds (According to Science, and According to Me)
The 11 Most Annoying Sounds (According to Science, and According to Me)
Published Monday, March 21, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Personal
Full Archive
Follow
11 Points

Mailing list


Twitter


Facebook


YouTube


Pinterest


RSS