11 Points

Can Internet Commenters Tie This to Obama? Episode 1: Drunk Guy Rolls in Dog Poop
written by Sam Greenspan

If you ever read the comments section under a news article, you reach two conclusions:
  1. Shouldn'ta done that.

  2. People find incredibly innovative ways to link everything back to Obama.



Most of our country's creative effort is going into blaming things on Obama. So I thought I'd start an occasional recurring feature where I find news stories that literally have nothing to do with politics that Internet commenters have still found a way to tie it back to Obama.

Longtime readers of this site know I'm not a politics guy -- every aspect of politics bothers my rational mind so much I trained myself to dissociate -- but I am a guy who's fascinated by all lunatics, large and small. That's what this is all about. Come 2017, I will switch this conceit to "Can Internet Commenters Tie This to Trump?"

Episode 1 comes to us from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania and the Wilkes-Barre Times Leader. (link)

On Monday night, 45-year-old Maurice Franklin was drunkenly walking down the street and came upon a pile of dog poop. He jumped into the street -- into moving traffic -- to avoid it. Cops saw him, stopped him and realized he was drunk.

At that point, his feelings toward the steaming pile of feces did a 180 -- and he rolled around in it to try to keep the cops from arresting him. Sadly, his plan failed and he was arrested for public drunkenness.

So now, I ask you: Can Internet commenters tie this to Obama?

Bronze:
Truth Detector said: "That must have been before Obama ate the dog."

I appreciate the effort and this is a really kid glove-y way to dance around the old "He's from Kenya" mantra, but the "Obama ate dog" thing is three years old at this point. Also, we're dealing with dog poop, not an actual dog here; feels like too big of a leap for such a dated joke.

Silver:
Davole said: "Obviously wearing Eau d'Obama is not a means to effectively avoid arrest in Wilkes-Barre, PA!!"

Eau d'Obama demonstrates a surprising understanding of a language other than American and this is a decently organic way to tie in Obama to the story. It also demonstrates he most likely actually read the story before commenting. Silver medal, but only lost by a nose.

Winner!
Blackula said: "i guess poop wasn't nasty enough, now he if he rolled around on the IPCC's global warming report or the pages of Obamacare, the police would have been running away from him"

Now this is just perfect. It doesn't just wantonly throw Obama out there -- it's citing actual policy stuff. It gets Obama involved without any hint of racism, jabs at the global warming people too and stays totally relevant to the story with the "police would have been running away from him" bit.

Final conclusion: YES! Internet commenters were able to tie Obama to a story about a drunk guy rolling around in dog poop.


This post was originally published on Thursday, March 12, 2015 at 10:00:00 AM under the category News & Politics.

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