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This Weekend Saw Bloody Fights Over iPhone vs. Android AND Jordan vs. LeBron
written by Sam Greenspan

All need is two dudes fighting over Star Trek vs. Star Wars and we'll hit the trifecta.

This past weekend saw two sets of roommates in two different parts of the country get into two bloody fights over two legendarily irreconcilable debates. It's quite the entertaining coincidence (for everyone who didn't wind up getting a bottle smashed over their head in the process).

Let's go to the video tape! By which I mean, my third-hand recounting of the events that transpired.

Fight #1: iPhone vs. Android



21-year-old roommates Jiaro Mendez and Elias Acevedo of Tulsa, Oklahoma were drinking around 1:00 A.M. on Friday morning and started debating the merits of the iPhone versus the Android. You may remember that fight from a variety of Samsung commercials four years ago, or from your conversation with the guy at work who can't wait to remind you that your new iPhone 6 has the same processor as the Galaxy had three generations ago.

Elias wound up cracking Jiaro in the head with a beer bottle and stabbing him. He was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon.

But the worst part of all? The police didn't say which guy was the Apple fanboy and which was the Google fanboy -- and none of the media people in Tulsa thought that might be a good question to ask. Where's the journalism? (Source)

Fight #2: Jordan vs. LeBron



A little over 24 hours later, about 1,100 miles northeast in State College, Pennsylvania, two other roommates got into their own drunken debate.

22-year-old Daniel Mondelice and Kristopher Gross were debating who's a better basketball player: Michael Jordan or LeBron James. This one also got physical, and Daniel hit Kristopher with a bottle and a glass in the head. He was arrested for two felonies: aggravated assault and making terroristic threats.

(He was also arrested again later on Saturday for refusing to leave a woman's apartment.)

And again, we don't have definitive word on which guy was backing which player. Daniel "liked" both Jordan AND LeBron on Facebook, so that's a wash; he did give an extra shout-out to Jordan. On February 17th, Jordan's birthday, Daniel tweeted that he was watching Space Jam.

Little do these guys know, Kobe Bryant is sitting somewhere right now, fuming, ready to crack a bottle over both of their heads for not including him. (Source)

Four conclusions!

1. People born in the '90s like cracking their roommates in the head with a bottle. (And letting their body wobble.)

2. I would've argued for Jordan and the iPhone, so it's possible I would've been on the smashing end as opposed to the receiving end.

3. Journalists are getting sloppy and not asking the tough questions. And it makes sense, what with their cushy, secure newspaper jobs allowing them to get fat off the land.

4. As long as no one gets killed, God bless this nationwide ennui. May it never end.


This post was originally published on Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at 11:00:00 AM under the category News & Politics.

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