Inevitably, with so many athletes playing so many sports, there were going to be a few moments where two stood next to each other and the juxtaposition of the names on their jerseys would create something brilliant. It's the monkeys-on-typewriters theory in play; while nothing below could be construed as Shakespeare, each can be construed as, "Oh yeah, that's moderately to above-moderately funny."
For this list, I collected photos and screenshots of athletes standing or sitting next to each other such that their names combined to synergistically produce something fantastic. And sure, "fantastic" means "dick jokes or worse" in about half these cases, but hey, what can ya do?
Here are 11 photos of funny jersey juxtapositions...
I'd say one of the biggest challenges in comedy is to create an organic dingleberry joke. (Meaning organic as in, the joke is organic, not the dingleberries are grown without pesticides.) It's just not a word that can come up smoothly in any conversational context. This photo is about as pure of a dingleberry joke as there can be.
Short White Cox.
This is the only trifecta on the list and also the only inadvertent stereotype reinforcement on the list. These are Steadman Short, LaDarius White and Demarco Cox from Old Miss -- I'm assuming after this picture started circulating, they either never sat in this order again or always went out of their way to sit in this order.
I think two minutes in the penalty box would actually be a harsher punishment than the real Casey Anthony got.
I checked out the Arkansas State roster (they're the Red Wolves, who knew?) to see if they had a "Rusty" on the team which could take this to another level. They do not, and, as I thought about it more, I'm not sure anyone in the world has the last name "Rusty." That being said, in the research process, I learned they have a player named Jonah Hill, so that's probably, like, a thing.
I'm sure these girls were oblivious to what they were doing -- fortunately there was some old dirty bastard at the game taking photos to preserve the moment forever.
This is an ancient photo (in Internet years, at least) -- it's from sometime between 1999 and 2002. (That's back when Marshall was really good.) Curtis Head, the punter, graduated in 2002. Meanwhile Gladstone Coke -- which is such a good name, I've written it on a Post-It for undetermined future use -- was in school for one lonely year after Head was gone.
I know there are a lot of dirty jokes on this list and those are ostensibly crowd pleasers -- but I think this one jives with my sense of humor the most. I'm not sure any jersey combo could make me any happier.
And we're back to the blue humor. Or is this landscaper humor?
Hull & Oates.
Whenever I get a chance to give a holler to Hall and Oates I'm going to take it. I chose it over many other jersey juxtaposition candidates for this list even though it's not 100 percent pure; the guy is wearing a Brett Hull jersey and not a Glenn Hall jersey. Glenn Hall is a guy who played goalie for the St. Louis Blues from 1967 to 1971. He was the only player named Hall I could find in Blues history, although I was only willing to look at the first three Google results.
Random fact: Patrick Fish and Elliott Fry are the punter and kicker, respectively. Assuming Fish is always the holder on kicks, that means this combination appears on the field for every extra point and field goal. It's bordering on subliminal advertising for either a Wendy's promotion or Lent at that point.
Gore / Kilgore.
Don't kill Gore! How else can I draft him on my fantasy team every single year and always be wildly disappointed? No one else can fill that role.
This post was originally published on Friday, October 3, 2014 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Sports.