11 Points

11 More Incredible Closed Captioning Disasters
written by Sam Greenspan

It's been four years since I put together a list of 11 Incredible Closed Captioning Disasters. So to all you kids who read the last one as you were starting high school, enjoy this new one as you're starting college. My how we've grown up together. Thanks for keeping in touch after graduation.

Here are 11 more incredible closed captioning disasters.
  1. Frozen meets Obama.



    The real line is "was capable of," not "as keep Obama." I know it's been fashionable to tie everything back to Obama over the past eight years, but this is a quantum leap.

  2. "Honky talent."



    Since it's a hockey game, the typo REALLY works.

  3. "Al Qaeda Iraq with this shady mario game."



    I just can't imagine this TV program was really talking about terrorists funding themselves via a super obscure Mario puzzle game that was only released for the Phillips CD-i in 1994. There's simply no way they have a penchant for that type of semi-ironic retro video game collecting.

  4. "2-a-day sex sessions."



    This typo hits, perhaps, just a bit too close to the truth.

  5. "They have played turrible."



    Was the closed captioning person in on the popular joke that Charles Barkley pronounces the word "terrible" as "turrible," or was it just a phonetically accurate transcription? It's an actual mystery.

  6. "The governor makes a major announcement about gay marijuana."



    Just make that announcement in front of a gender neutral bathroom and watch heads explode.

  7. "Heinz is rubbing against Governor Pat Quinn."



    Now that's a hook to get people all-in on state politics. Less rhetoric, more sweet, awkward rubbing.

  8. "Loudly implied cannibalism."



    Implied cannibalism? Honestly, did they ever give anyone a Nobel prize for "implied chemistry"?

  9. "Jews exploded for no reason."



    Here's the problem, My Little Pony. Most of the other entries on this list are typos that resulted from live transcription. Your show, on the other hand, is captioned off a script that, I assume, simply had to be uploaded verbatim. So how that led to "Jews exploded for no reason" -- which I would have to think was not the real line -- I have no idea.

  10. "Rhythmic farting continues."



    Well that caption sorta sums up a lot of television from the past 40 years, doesn't it?

  11. "Stares in Japanese."



    A closed caption that is either suggesting telepathy or engaging in some lite racism. Either way, an impressively loaded three words.


This post was originally published on Tuesday, August 30, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category TV.

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