11 Points

11 Things Comically Named 'American' Around the World
written by Sam Greenspan

In honor of July 4th weekend, I thought it would be a good time to do a quick check-in on other countries around the world and see if and how they're honoring us. After all, America is Poochie, and everyone should always be asking, "Where's Poochie?"

Well, what finer honor could there be than having a product or business or even form of combat named after us? Even if those things are comically unhealthy, somewhat confused and aggressively bloodthirsty, respectively.

Here are 11 photos of things around the world that are called "American." Somewhere, Hacksaw Jim Duggan is smiling, tough guy.
  1. Cool American (Europe)



    Ranch dressing is decidedly American; here, on the product we know as Cool Ranch Doritos, the dressing and the country graduate to synonyms.

  2. Wolna Amerykanka (Poland)



    Wolna Amerykanka is the Polish version of MMA. On the macro level. On the micro level, there are certainly differentiating nuances I'm not aware of. Mainly because (1) I don't speak Polish (2) I've never seen Wolma Amerykanka (3) I don't watch MMA so I lack a basis of nuance comparison and (4) Want to confuse a Polish fighter? Put him in the octagon and tell him not to pee in the corner.

  3. American Sauce (Germany)



    I would make fun of them here for not just calling it thousand island dressing, but since every restaurant over here also disguises it behind a name like secret sauce or burger spread, I cannot. It appears the globe is united in fruitlessly trying to hide thousand island's true identity.

  4. Alface Americana (Brazil)



    Alface Americana translates to "iceberg lettuce." Well, not literally, but that's what people in Brazil call iceberg lettuce. Perhaps the American athletes will even briefly take off their hazmat suits during the Olympics to try some.

  5. Cinta Americana (Spain)



    Duct tape is called cinta americana in Spain (literally "American tape"). I didn't realize the U.S. was so closely affiliated with duct tape. Iceberg lettuce, thousand island dressing, death sports, sure. But duct tape? Is that a serial killing thing? Or a handy and ingenuitive thing?

  6. American Freedom (China)



    Coincidence log: As I was about to type this, someone just shot off a few fireworks in my neighborhood. There's something very fitting about a Chinese invention being co-opted by the U.S. then manufactured back in China. It's sweet and sour pork all over again.

  7. Poing Americain (France)



    Brass knuckles are "American fist" in France. There's like a 30 percent chance it's Liam Neeson's fault.

  8. Ameriska Solata (Eastern Europe)



    Theoretically, in Eastern Europe, cole slaw is called "Ameriska solata," or "American salad." But that picture sure doesn't look like any cole slaw I've ever eaten. It looks more like a really bad curry or a really delicious bowl of poison.

  9. Amerikaanse Stock (Belgium)



    In Belgium, camping and hunting supplies are called Amerikaanse stock. There's even a store called Amerikaanse Stock Paal. This picture is not of that store. I couldn't find a good picture of their sign. Which, in turn, is not a good sign.

  10. American Pride (Canada)



    Yeah, this isn't the top shelf stuff. Geographic confusion rarely inspires a vote of confidence (although I'm probably more prone to think it's mediocre because of the plastic bottle).

  11. American Delight (Rockford, Illinois)



    Try the linguini?


This post was originally published on Friday, July 1, 2016 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Travel.

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