A Google search for "made in your likeness" yields two types of links. One, people talking about the Bible and how God made you in His likeness, homeboy. And two, awesome products you can have designed in the shape of your head and body. Let's focus on the one we're all more interested in.
Genesis 1:26, "Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness."
I'm just kidding, heathens. Here are 11 great products you can have designed in your likeness.
Star Wars carbonite mold.
Everyone my age wanted to be Han Solo and Zack Morris growing up. You can't stop time like Zack Morris but you *can* be stopped in time like Han Solo. Imagine how cool every guy and no girl will find your own personalized 12-inch sculpture of you trapped in carbonite! [Link, $50 - $300]
Instead of sitting on the mantle in a little nondescript box, have a creepy likeness of you sit on the mantle in (apparently) a horrible wig. What a perfect way to walk through the Uncanny Valley of the shadow of death. [Link, $2,600]
You'll have to travel to Japan to get one of these (and talk the store into making them again, since this seems like it might've been a limited time offer), but that's a small price to pay for the opportunity to hibernate in a colon and/or learn the secrets of gummi berry juice. A store in Tokyo called FabCafe can create a smaller gummi version of you for 6,000 yen, or approximately $975. [Link, $975]
Bobbleheads have become such pastiche that I had to actually look carefully around my office to remember which ones I had. I have a Stormtrooper, a Moe Szyslak and a Tim Couch standing in Cleveland Browns stadium. Yikes. If I had a custom bobblehead of myself, I'd be kinda disappointed if he wound up hanging with that crew. [Link, up to $150]
Adult love toy.
The other 10 things on this list include your face. This one, not so much. Both men and women can immortalize their genitalia through a sloppy process of do-it-yourself molding kits and some trial-and-error. I can't see this turning out as cool as you might hope. [NSFW Link, $29.95 - $39.95]
Statues don't just have to be for world leaders, sports stars and Robocops anymore. Take vanity to new heights with a full-size bronze statue. Arguably less tacky than any of the lawn statues you could get out of Skymall, arguably more tacky than anything else in the world. [Link, prices not disclosed]
What's the average time from acquiring a customized action figure to that action figure until you're holding that action figure in one hand, a Barbie in the other, and mashing together their plastic crotches? Six minutes? [Link, $375 - $399]
With this you can finally see what it would be like if someone cut open your head, scooped out your brain, and stored pencils and scissors there instead. Or perhaps candy for when company comes over. I didn't think it was possible, but somehow this is creepier than the urn. [Link, $109 - $1,999]
This is the only one on the list that has to be a successive approximation of you, but come on. A Muppet that even resembles loosely resembles you is better than no Muppet at all. Also, FAO Schwarz only charges $99.99 for one of these, which must be a typo. That's at least five times cheaper than I would've guessed. I thought they had a mortgage department in-house to help you pay for stuff in that place. [Link, $99.99]
Video game.(No photo available.) There's (randomly) some French magazine called Amusement that offers a custom video game service. You can get as involved as you want -- they can just add you to a video game or they can actually create a video game around your life story. But, ya know, it's French, so assume there are going to be a lot of references to Asterix, head cheese and slothful Luxembourgians you're not going to fully understand. [Link, at least $1,000 and up to $65,000]
Is it irresponsible for me to propagate this link knowing how many aspiring Scooby Doo villains read this website? [Link, $299]
This post was originally published on Thursday, June 13, 2013 at 11:00:00 AM under the category Web & Tech.