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11 Stupid Questions From Yahoo Answers That Have Changed My Life
written by Sam Greenspan

Yesterday, against my better judgment, I fell down the rabbit hole of Yahoo Answers.

For those unfamiliar, Yahoo Answers is like the Wikipedia of advice. People (about 40 percent of whom can spell) write questions and rely on the masses to get their answers.

While in my rabbit hole, I found so many stupid questions (and stupid answers) that I couldn't stop laughing. My face is still sore.

Anyway, after a huge debate with myself, I narrowed it down to my favorite 11 ridiculous questions from Yahoo Answers. And I share them with you now. Feel free to send me any others you've found in your Yahoo Answers adventures... this list is just begging for a part two one day.

These are in no particular order. Also, I'm just going to give a big fat [SIC] to the entire thing -- I'm leaving in all the spelling, grammar and punctuation errors as they are part of the essence of Yahoo Answers.

  1. Sexy can I?
    Is it ok to touch yourself when you hear your parents have sex? He continues:
    "I know it may sound weird, but my parents are still pretty young and have very loud sex and sometimes late at night I can hear them and I cant help but touch myself. Is this bad or is it something other people have done too?"
    Well, no. But he definitely came to the right place for logical, helpful, compassionate support. Like a user named Kendra who says:
    "its not nasty, i remember when I was younger me and my bro would hide in the closet so we could see it".
    And we're just getting started.

  2. How turn computer monitor into mirror? This one is MADE in the guy's description of his question:
    "Hi. Does anyone know if it's possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn't work."
    So as dumb as that is... yeah, I thought for two seconds about what would happen if I scanned a mirror.

  3. Girlfriend aint had period since?
    "ok im kinda worryed here since my g/f got pregnant and all she isnt been havein her period do u think the baby is drinkin the blood??? she 6 month pregnant"
    I DO think the baby is drinking the blood! There is literally no other explanation. What you've got on your hands is a vampire baby. Your girlfriend has been having sex with a vampire. And I'm suspecting it's a biracial baby, either half-black (if she got it on with Blacula or Count Chocula) or half-purple (if she got it on with The Count).

  4. Why are the holes in cats fur always in the right places for their eyes? On one hand, this could almost be a deeply existential question. Unfortunately, I don't think that was the intent.

  5. My Boyfriend Has Skin Cancer?
    "I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now,he's my absolute everything.But last week he got told he has bad 'Skin Cancer',When he told me i was heartbroken.Should i tell him that we should end it ? or should we stay together?:( x"
    I think this made me laugh the hardest of all. Is that bad?

  6. Are my masturbation habits bad? I love the guy's description of his habits:
    "I have around 15-20 orgasms a day. Sometimes I reach into the 30's. I do it a lot, but I really don't know how to stop."
    First off, 15 to 20 times a day shouldn't be humanly possible. You'd have to cut out some other major component of your life to have the time. Like eating. Or breathing. But for me, truly, this question rises into the pantheon when a female offers up the very first response:
    "wow thats alot i only have like 2 or 3"
    You kids today!

  7. I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them. Am I going to hell? Absolutely. The only acceptable way to integrate Jesus into food is to accidentally burn his face into a piece of toast or on a grilled cheese sandwich and then sell it on eBay. Jesus would be proud that you can get Golden Palace to pay $500 for it.

  8. Next target: Savannah.
    I live in georegia but i dont see rusia no where not even sound but they says theres tanks should i be worrie. This one was taken down after it was an Internet sensation a few months back. But it's still an all time classic. And as much as my instinct is to think it's fake... something about it just says "real" to me. I WANT to believe!

  9. Does it go dark at night where your from? You had to know that the person who doesn't know if night exists outside of his hometown would make a traditional Internet generation your/you're switch.

  10. Help i smoked way too much weed? She describes a traditional My First Smoking story:
    "my friends are over and I smoked WAYYY too much im all dizy and i can't see straight the room is moving"
    This one doesn't get good until she starts elaborating with more details a little later on in the night:
    "my peanut btuter tastes like ice cream i thought the pillow was the cat ahhh".

  11. Is the vagina or whatever girls pee out of in the same place as a boys penus? He continues:
    "Or is it in the back where a boys --- is? I know this is an odd question but i have a valid reason to ask it."
    The most succinct answer comes from a poster who uses the name Riley J:
    "yes women have penises on the inside thats how they pee they just dont stick out like mens do".
    Perfect. The question is answered. (And sadly, the guy who posted it refused to elaborate on his "valid reason to ask.")

This post was originally published on Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 12:01:00 AM under the category Web & Tech.

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